I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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