Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
