It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
