i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
