Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
