piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
