I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip