God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.