like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am