I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
