i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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