Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

Fav 25 1173 4959
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(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

Fav 18 5993 1054
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(312): View more from Illinois

It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free

Fav 5 1092 3814
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(512): View more from Texas

we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja

Fav 9 5609 1257
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(435): View more from Utah

I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.

Fav 6 1846 937
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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

Fav 16 1586 1104
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(503): View more from Oregon

I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?

Fav 2 489 803
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(540): View more from Virginia

Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....

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