she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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