we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
