Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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