I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
