I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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