when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
