I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
