ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
