I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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