today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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