Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
