What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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