Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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