Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
