my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
