My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
