Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
