dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
