Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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