What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just crazy horny about you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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