and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
