i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's like iHOP with fire
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
