I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
