Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Less talking, more tequila
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
