if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
