You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
