hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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