omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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