I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
