2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
