just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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