At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
