I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
