The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
