I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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