I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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