...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
