If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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