okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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