She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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