remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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