I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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