Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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