Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
