ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize