Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
