are you so shy because you have an std?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
