Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have post one night stand depression
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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