Why are handjobs necessary in class?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
