She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
