After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
