Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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