How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
