Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
