walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
