Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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