she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
