i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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