youre lurking in front of me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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