Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
