You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
