so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
wow bdsm is so cute
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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