sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
